People don’t know my full story of how I got to where I am today so today I will share a valuable piece to the puzzle. I grew up on the east side of Detroit, in the hood. I was surrounded by drug activity (I go more in depth of my soon to be released book, “Marry Success”. I am fortunate to have made it out of the lifestyle and from around so many negative mentality’s and behaviors that often come with the package of poverty.
I tried to commit suicide in my early 20’s. I was dating a woman who was like a dark-skinned Halle Berry and we were having relationship problems. My mind was gone, and well, what do you expect being deeply involved in a teenage love? It was Christmas Eve that I wanted to spend time with her and she stopped by for about 1/2 hour saying she wanted to go see her BFF and she would be back later. She did not come back and it was getting late, so being worried about her, I called her several times. Yes I was blowing her phone up as you would say! Lol. But believe me this was no laughing matter at the time.
She finally called back around midnight saying she wasn’t going to be able to come back because she was still with her girl. I flipped. I asked who did I hear in the background and she said her girlfriends boyfriend and his best friend. I was devastated with all kinds of thoughts in my head. Are they double dating was my immediate thought? Aren’t loved ones supposed to spend the holiday time with the person they love? I concluded she was cheating because we had other episodes prior to that lead me to believe it because I’m seeing the same patterns repeated.
I wanted her attention and the pain was so unbearable that I went to the bathroom to find a whole bottle of aspirin to stop the pain. I may have mixed others in as well but mostly I remember the aspirin. My mom heard me fall & came in the bathroom to find me laying on the floor. This was like something you see in a movie as she rushed me to the hospital and while in the car, I’m having these regretful thoughts.
I only wanted attention but now I’m not able to feel my legs anymore. I was a Christian deep in the church but all I could think of was… Oh sh%t! You f%#ed up now, as I’m panicking inside. Sad to say my religion went out the window. Around 2 am on Christmas morning, I’m slipping into a deep sleep and now I’m afraid that I didn’t really want to die but I’m slipping in and out of consciousness so much that the doctors immediately rushed me into the hospital to pump my stomach with coals.
It was a horrific experience but I survived. Yes, Jay Danzie is a suicide survivor & i’m grateful to be alive. I believe something shifts for all those who have had a near death experience. You tend to see the world differently and more appreciative.
Years later I learned that there was a bigger issue and that was, I discovered I was a love addict. I’ve got this worldwide quote that says to others “Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark” has gone viral and now I was having my own epiphany! My trademark had been compromised. The revelation had me crying on my pillow for about 3 days. I realized I was truly a victim to my own emotional crimes that I had unknowingly and unintentionally inflicted upon other women in relationships. My neediness was wreaking and I could now see the patterns of attracting women who were emotionally unavailable. Talk about mind-blowing and humbling. This sh%# was haunting me and my character all my life as it plagued the background of my life story. It was the reason for so much of my behavior that I couldn’t explain. The attempted suicide was simply a byproduct of my illness. I had so many good attributes on the sunny side but we don’t ever want to look at our shadows.
I can go deeper and say that from an astrological perspective there were signs. I have Venus in Scorpio retrograde so that’s one of those detriments that represents clingy to the third power. Oh well. I could be single forever, so I may as well get used to being happy about it unless I receive some sort of grace and mercy from the universe. I do believe its possible because there is an exception to every rule. I will just take one day at a time a focus on family and speaking.
I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a love or infatuation addiction but I soon learned there are several types. There are people addicted to their kids affection, people who are love avoidant and wonder why they are not in a relationship. there is levels to this so if any of this is ringing strong in your spirit, begin to google love addiction signs and traits. It won’t hurt anything to look into it. I simply sought out counseling and support groups. The local SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) are a great place to start. I started searching for more information about the subject. I realised I had been reacting the same way a drug addict would act. It was as if someone took my drug away from me. The feelings release the same type of oxytocin & dopamine in the brain as a person high on drugs.
Love is often written about in poetry and song as this thing that can not be explained. We hear that love hurts but we have never received a physical bruise from this emotional infliction that we speak of. It’s often seen when 2 married ppl are together and we hear of when one of them dies, the other follows suit shortly after within a few months later. How can this pain hurt so deep? It is the result of an addict/ co-dependant relationship coming to an end. In other words, it occurs that their drug has been taken away from them, sort of like a real life Romeo & Juliet story. This is why we must all respect the emotional realm. we don’t give it the credit it deserves when it comes to creating things in our lives. Emotions form words and words create our reality.
These are all reasons why I’m so passionate about spreading mental health awareness in the community in hopes that others can hear my story and be impacted 3 possible ways. 1) Begin to share their story. 2) Start learning more about mental health. 3) If they find they are in need of help to seek it. Remember that help can come in the form of 3 ways… Support groups (like anonymous meet groups), Professional counseling (psychologist), or meds prescribed by a psychiatrist. The biggest difference in psychologist and psychiatrist is psychiatrist prescribe medication and psychologist deal more in line with counsel and psychotherapy.
I consider myself ECCENTRIC but some may be considered socially awkward and that’s ok. I’m saying to all, forget about the negative stigma attached to mental illness from the past. It’s cool to seek out support if you need it because most things can be healed. I pray for those who are silently suffering and hope me being transparent can help touch someone who is contemplating harming themselves or someone else.
This is why I motivate and encourage people as I write books and articles on success. It’s not an act, it’s inside of me waiting to be shared! This is my purpose. God has given me the ability to articulate and I use my ability to help intervene with others. Not that I’m perfect but to show another possibility for others.
Today I’m a recovering LOVE addict and have worked the 12 steps. I’ve invested in myself with tools that have allowed me to overcome and I let others know that life is challenging at times but we don’t have to end it in the middle of a storm. Life will end one day, all by itself and we don’t have to speed up the process. You never know what tomorrow will bring so stick around to tell about the rainbow on the other side.
– by Jay Danzie ©